Wednesday, December 29, 2010

well said.


Well, I somehow managed to lose a pound over the holidays.

I plan on getting back to being serious.
Time to get some use out of that treadmill I paid for!

15 lbs to go!

Friday, December 24, 2010


I forgot to weigh Monday.
But Tuesday I was at 156.

Which is OK...
Considering I was well prepared to see well above the 160 mark.

16 pounds to go.
I need H.E.L.P.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

I'm still here...

I haven't abandoned this blog.
I'm still here.

I just dread this blog.
It's haunts me when I'm not losing weight.

& I'm pretty sure I've gained 5 pounds.
Will find out for sure when I get on the scale Monday.

I'm going to try super duper hard to be back in full swing Monday.
I need some sort of motivation. ugh

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

yesterday's food

I had an idea to keep track of what I ate yeterday.
Yes, I should have listed the calories, but that stresses me out.
Maybe I'll do that today.

Anyway, this is why I'm fat and can't lose weight:

1 pack instant strawberry oatmeal w/flaxseed

Homemade soup
Cheddar peppers from Sonic
Large sweet tea from Sonic

Pack of baby carrots, small bag
2 pumpkin spice snack cakes

Pierogies (about 12 or 14 minis) with sourcream
Grilled cheese with tomato and mayo

Mini Reese's Christmas tree
Sweettart sucker
Sea salt caramel

Is your mouth wide open in shock?! haha

I'm pretty disgusted.
Maybe I'll keep up with this new idea.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Got on the scale this morning.
I've gained 6 pounds. Back up to 159.
19 pounds to lose. again.

I almost chunked the scale out the bathroom window.
I slammed it against the floor instead.
It is the devil I tell you.

I know exactly what happened.
I got comfortable.
I was liking how I looked.
Loving how I felt in my clothes.

I was doing good at the gym but slacked off.
Continuing to eat the way I do without the gym is what happened.

This is a never ending circle.

My priorities are wrong.


I have a treadmill. I have NO excuse.
Even if I only do 30 minutes,
I'm going to start doing something EVERY day.

No more soda. ie: Sprite/Mt. Dew
I will only be drinking sweet tea and coffee through December then that's done.

It's time to be healthy!
It's not just about weightloss anymore.

Monday, November 29, 2010


I didn't weigh in this morning.
I knew it wasn't going to show a loss.

AND I'm not gonna weigh on my birthday and ruin that.
I didn't meet my goal, BIG SURPRISE.

But I'm not giving up.
Technically I have until summer to be bikini ready...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Year Ago

Pictures of me from a year ago.
I want to throw up my guts.

Recent pic of me.
I don't see much of a difference.
Thinking I'll be putting on that Bridesmaid dress tonight...


Let me just say,
it was pure genius to stop phentermine before the holidays.


story. of. my. life.

Monday, November 22, 2010


I didn't weigh in. Again.
I know I haven't lost any.
And I def didn't want to see if the number went UP.

Being at my parent's house for 4 days this weekend is gonna EFF ME UP!

Lord, give me strength!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Not today

I didn't weigh in this morning...

It was a weekend full of carbs.
I'm pretty sure that's all I ate. No lie.
And althought I'm sure I did enough walking to make up for it,
I didn't want that downer on this Monday morning.

2 weeks left.
I do not see me meeting my goal.
BUT I am pretty dang close I must say!

Lots of clothes were tried on this weekend.
I'm in that nasty inbetween stage.
You know, where neither size fits right.
It's extremely annoying!

Going to be serious at the gym this weekend.
No more backing out and saying I don't feel like it!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Monday, November 8, 2010


I forgot to weigh this morning.
Which means I'm just gonna go with the 153 from yesterday.

3 weeks left to lose 13 pounds.
I dont see THAT happening. ugh

Sunday, November 7, 2010


I know it's not weigh in day yet,
but after seeing 154 ALL week
I was happy to see 153 this morning...

PLEASE OH PLEASE be there in the morning!

Friday, November 5, 2010

I know, I know

I've gotten on the scale every morning this week.

& every morning it has said the same thing, 154.
This is not usual for me.
Maybe I should think it's good.
But I feel more like I'm stuck.

The thing is, I know what I'm doing wrong.

I'm working out.
I'm not eating right.

I know, 100%, that if I would eat right with the way I'm working out that I would lose weight.

So what's stopping me?
I have no idea... Laziness? Yeah, probably.

I'm on my last week of phentermine.

I've got to get serious with the food.
If I can workout, I can eat right. srsly

I'm to the point where I think I'd be happy at 150.
But let's reach 150 and see how I feel then...

Monday, November 1, 2010


Still stuck.
Gym 3 times last week.

4 weeks to lose 14 lbs. UGH

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

2 days down

2 days in a row at the gym.
60 mins on the treadmill last night.
Even did a tiny bit of abs & lunges.
Mostly a lot of stretching afterwards.

I am sore as FUCK.

Sore in places I didn't think the treadmill could make me sore.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

funny story

It's only funny now.
It was NOT funny yesterday when it happened.

Some of you may know that I gave up Cokes.
All dark sodas to be more specific.

It has been over a year since I've had any.
It was a horrible process.
Caffeine is a serious drug.
(yes, I gave back in to that. just not Cokes.)
Headache for about 4 days straight.

I know Cokes were a serious issue for me.
About 5 a day to none, cold turkey.
I have avoided them like the plague.
I even almost choked to death one time because all that was in my reach was a Coke and I positively refused to put it in my mouth.

Well, I ordered a sweet tea from McDonalds last night.
The dumb bitches gave me Coke.
I didn't know until I took a sip. obvi.
I was driving. Almost wrecked.
Seriously had a mental breakdown.
It was like cocaine. In my mouth.

I was so upset and disappointed.
I had worked sooo hard. And it had been destroyed.
I know it wasn't my fault but it still stung. Bad.
I teared up and wanted to bawl my eyes out.

& OMG did I want to drink the rest of that Coke.
Marianne had to dump it down the sink when we got to her house.

My skin was crawling.
I was shaking.
I wanted to throw up and get it out of my stomach.

I am positively astounded at how I reacted.
It's actually quite scary to me.
I was not prepared for it to affect me that bad.

You may think I'm crazy, but addictions are serious.
Think of something you're addicted to.
Think about giving it up.
Think about being forced to take it back unprepared.

But I will not cave. I'm not giving in because that happened.
No matter how bad I want to...


I went to the gym last night.
It was an effing miracle.
Because I was NOT in the mood for it.

Luckily, the bestie went with me.

I did 54 minutes on the treadmill.
Had I been at home, we all know I would have done only 15. haha

I think we're gonna try and go every night.
But we shall see....

I feel pretty good today.
I'm glad I went.
Except all those mirrors.
Why does there need to be a mirror behind me on the treadmill? gross

Monday, October 25, 2010


Up 1 pound.

15 to go.
Little over 5 weeks to do it within my goal.


Oatmeal for breakfast,
I'm off to a good start...

Sunday, October 24, 2010

motivation needed

I didn't weigh in last Monday.

I wanted to reach my goal by my birthday.
I have 5 weeks to lose 14 lbs. (if I'm still at 154 tomorrow)
Yes, that is totally accomplishable.

I don't have enough phentermine to last me that long.
But I am not getting anymore. It didn't work good enough.

I'm still paying $25 a month for the gym.
And nope, I don't go. Been twice.
That's gonna change this week.
But I'm gonna go for cardio.
Yes, I know I have a treadmill at home.
But it's too easy to not get on at home.
Or to get off after 15 minutes.
Hopefully I can find more motivation at the gym.

I've lost a good amount of weight.
But I still have really bad days.
I have a closet full of clothes that I cannot wear.
And that is quite heartbreaking.
The worst part is that I'm really close to being able to wear them...

Monday, October 11, 2010


That's a 4 lb drop from last weigh in day.
Yes, I know it's only 2 from the last time I weighed.

Regardless, it's pretty damn exciting!
Only 14 lbs to go!

It is completely possible that I reach my goal weight before my birthday. Now let's just see if I can do it.

Obviously, the phen is working.
Of course I forgot to take it this morning.
I'm thinking I may just take every other day and see how that goes.

I have to go to the thrift store today.
None of my work pants fit anymore. ugh

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


Yes, I know it's not weigh-in day but 156 is monumental.

It's the lowest I have been since since 187.

So, it deserved a post. obvi.

I just want to go streaking in the street.
Ok, not really. But you get my point.

Monday, October 4, 2010


Still at 158.
But I can't find it in myself to complain about that...

I got some phentermine Friday.
Well, I got the RX but haven't picked it up yet.
I've been stuck too long, gonna give it another shot.

All of my work pants officially do not fit.
It's quite frustrating to be honest.

Monday, September 27, 2010


I'd say I got lucky this morning.
Was happy to see 158 back!

Maybe 156 next Monday?!
Fingers crossed!

Thursday, September 23, 2010


I felt skinny when I woke up this morning...

So, I did what every girl does.
Yeah, I got on the scale.

& it made my morning at 159.
It's just lovely to not see that "6" in there.

Also nice to see that I only have 19 left to go.

Will I be back to 160something come Monday?

Monday, September 20, 2010


Still at 161.

Good news after an eventful 3 day weekend.
I was def prepared for the worst.

I hope I go to the gym tonight...

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


I didn't work out yesterday.

Unless you count abs in the tanning bed.
Yes, I seriously did that. It was kinda fun...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I didn't do it...

I didn't go to gym, of course.
And I won't give the excuse...

BUT I did workout at home! haha
Follow my twitter for updates.

My arms buuurn!

Monday, September 13, 2010


scale was up 1 this morning.
better than being up 5 I guess...

I haven't been working out,
but I'm going to the gym tonight.

& I made a discovery this morning.
my arms are toning up. I'm excited.
I noticed the reflection in my car window
and got really critical in my inspection.
I'm getting that line in the middle. woo hoo

Thursday, September 9, 2010

20 lbs to go!

I decided to step on the scale this morning.
It was a good decision.
It finally showed 160 instead of 163! woo hoo
I srsly did the happy dance.
20 lbs left to go!

I also went to the gym last night.
I didn't workout workout,
but I learned all the machines I need to do for future reference.

I'm gonna do arms, chest &back on Mondays.
Legs and butt Wednesdays.
I've also decided to just go ahead and do cardio the days I'm there.
That way I, hopefully, won't skip out on it.

On a side note, lots of Gorillas at the gym. YUM

I've gotta tighten up on my eating habits though.
One thing at a time. One thing at a time.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I'm a liar...

I'm not back on track like I'm supposed to be.

Imagine that!

& I was determined to get my fatass on the treadmill last night but ended up in bed.

BUT I'm going to the gym tonight.

I haven't weighed since I wasn't home Monday so maybe by some miracle I will have moved some weight around by the time I weigh next Monday.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Back on Track! srsly

I'm for real.
I'm ready to get serious!

I just realized that last 3 months have been pointless.
I haven't lost weight.
I could have lost these last 30 lbs in 3 months.

I was 158 Aug 9th
Back to 163 on Monday, Aug 30th
isn't that wonderful?
I was 166 in June...

Anyway, I'm going to be focusing hard core on this blog.
I think I need to pay attention to details and start seeing things in black and white.

My goal is to be 140 by Nov. 29th.
That would be the best birthday present EVER!

I just have to get my priorities straight.
Yes, I know I've said it a million times.
Maybe, just maybe, it will work this time!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Let's Get Physical

I was gonna get on the treadmill yesterday.
Thought about it all day.
But did I?
Of course not!

Anyone have any motivation pointers?!?

Friday, August 27, 2010

bad mood

I woke up this morning and something hit me...

I realized I haven't lost weight in almost 2 months.

I was doing so good with everything and then I ended up in the hospital. I'm trying not to make excuses, but everyone does it, don't point fingers at me.

I want another bottle of phentermine. So bad.
Luckily the bestie reminded me that it hadn't been working.
It was keeping me from eating everything I could get my hands on but it was not helping to move the weight.

I had 2 competitions going on.
I have to weigh in on Monday for both of them.
I am positive I lost them both.

I have to get serious.
I know, I mean really know, the trick is working out.
I just have to get my head wrapped back around that.

No, I haven't been to the gym since that first time.
Right now I have no idea why I even joined.
I knew I didn't like going to the gym on my own.
BUT, I've got to suck it up and grow some balls.

I need to set some life goals.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Picture Time

Feb 2010 - July 2010 - Aug 2010

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

1st Gym Session ReCap

Yesterday was my first day at Gold's Gym.
Or maybe I should say last night, 7pm...

First things first, the girl was dumb.
I mean she was too shy and awkward.
But at the very end I found out she wasn't even a trainer yet so I felt slightly better about that situation.

Their scale had me at 161 lbs
31.2% body fat (which is close to the obese range!)
45% water (it should be about 50)

We wrote my goals as:
140 lbs
25% body fat

Naturally, they are all about having you dish out money for Personal Trainers so I did not get very much help. And what she did show me was stuff I could do at home. Which pissed me off. Hard core. Apparently I'm gonna have to figure out how to use all the machines by myself.

She showed me arm and ab workouts with the ball.
I am so sore today it is unreal!
Beaty is Pain, I'm gonna start living by that.

She preached the same thing I've heard before,
"Only work out each muscle group once a week, except abs."
I'm going to try to stick with this.

Right now my goal is 3 days a week to the gym.
One day arms and chest,
one day legs and butt,
one day shoulders and back.
Abs every day of course.
I want to shoot for Mon Wed Fri but 3 days is 3 days at this point.

I'm gonna give it 2 weeks and see what happens.
If I need to consider a personal trainer, then I will. Temporarily.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Cha Cha Cha Changes

I've made a few big decisions lately...

- No More Fat Doctor
Which ultimately means no more shots or phentermine.
I decided the shots may very well be the cause of my kidney stones and I refuse to go through that again if I can help it.
I went through 3 bottles of phentermine.
I originally said I was only going to do 2, then it started working sooo good so by the end of the 2nd bottle I got another. And guess what? It quit working as good, of course. Part of me wants to get one more bottle to help with this last 20 lbs. But the other part of me realizes that if I don't stop now then it is just going to become a viscous circle.
I will be saving about $140 a month with this decision. WOW!

- No More Soda or Tea
Yes, I slacked up and was drinking Sprite and Mt. Dew.
And then I drifted into Sweet Tea again. Tea will be easier to get rid of, again, because of the kidney stones but I'm gonna miss my caffeine...
Don't get me wrong, I still drink water like a fish.
It's just one of those things I think about and realize I did it once, I can do it again and stick to it this time.

- Joined Gold's Gym
I'll be honest here and admit there are ulterior motives other than the obvious.
Like cheaper tanning, and putting myself in an environment w/hot juiced men.
But I also joined because I need help with strength and toning.
(that $140 a month from fat doctor is prob gonna go into paying a personal trainer)
I have my initial assessment Monday at 7pm.
I'm dreading my body fat percentage...

On another note I bought a pair of jeans today.
I've been putting it off and putting it off because I don't want to go shopping, lose weight and possibly drop 2 pants sizes and have new clothes I can't wear. BUT the size 14 jeans I have now are ridiculous, like fall to my knees.
I grabbed a size 9 and crossed my fingers...
They fit. They are a teeny bit snug but I look at that as wiggle room if I lose a few pounds.
So, my weekend is off to a good start!

p.s. I don't want people to think I judge weight by pounds or sizes. This is my personal journey, every one's is different. Hell, I may be stuck in a size 9 forever, and that's fine with me as long as I "look" the way I want to. Same thing with pounds. I'm not gonna get discouraged with the scale since I'm going to be weight training at the gym now. Again, it's about the "look" not the "number." I urge you to be the same way.

Monday, August 16, 2010


I didn't weigh in this morning.
I've had a pretty eventful past few days.
And if you really want to know,
I didn't have a bowel movment from Tuesday morning until 9:30 last night.
Yeah, that's why I didn't weigh.
I knew it was gonna be bad.

I was doing sooo good with everything.
And then, BAM, something has to go wrong.
But I intend on getting back on track today.

I'm going to take another pic on the 25th.
Kinda anxious for that, gonna make it a monthly (4 week) ritual...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

dang treadmill

I've never really paid attention to the treadmill when it comes to how many calories it says I have burned...

Until last night.
I was 15 mins into it.
I had ran 5, walked 5, ran 5.
It said I had burned 150 calories.
Immediately I realized that was not normal.
I usually run 5 then walk 25 and it says 140 at the end of that!

So, apparently the trick is to run?!?

I have never been a runner.
And I was fine with that.
But it seems I am capable of running now.
My knees and hips couldn't handle the stress before...
Since I don't have shin splints today I'm gonna work on running.
Maybe that will speed up this process a little bit.

I'm completely obsessed with this.
It is driving my friends crazy.
And I do apologize.
But when I am 18 lbs away from my goal I can't just sit back and be patient.

Jenny told me I'm the skinniest I have been since she's known me. Which is 3 1/2 years. That made me happy. And got me to thinking. I'm right there, or close to the weight I was when the ex and I got together... How ironic?

Monday, August 9, 2010


Only down 1 pound.
But at least it's down and not the same or UP!

I did good with working out, just check out my Twitter.
I did skip on Thursday and Saturday tho...

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Motivation Found!

I found some motivation.
I wouldn't consider it the healthy kind, but hell, it's motivation.
I'll take what I can get!

I worked so hard on my abs that I shouldn't be able to move today.
But is that the case? Nope, they don't hurt at all. UGH

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


I did some backlogging on this blog.
& found some pretty disturbing info.

June 5, 2009 : I weighed 175 lbs

December 28, 2009 : I weighed 187 lbs
and vowed to lose 40 by June 2010

January 2010 : I weighed 185

April 2010 : I got down to 180

May 2010 : 171

June 2010 : 166 (only 21 lbs lost of 40)

July 2, 2010: 160

August 2, 2010 : 159

This process took waaay too long.
Healthy weightloss is 2 lbs a week. Let's say that's 8 lbs a month.
Basically, I could've reached my goal in 6 months.
But no, here it is 14 months later and I have still have 19 lbs to go.

You'd think that'd be enough motivation, right?
Right. I'm struggling. Hard effing core.

bummed out

I thought I was gonna do good yesterday.
I was wrong.

I laid on the floor while watching Bachelorette.
I'd do some abs, lay some more, do some abs, lay some more.

& that was it.
I didn't even get on the treadmill.

I do not know what is wrong with me but I've got to find some motivation from somewhere.

I went and got another shot yesterday.
I swear to you it is making me feel like I'm starving. lovely.

I know I have a treadmill but I think I'm gonna have to join the gym.
Even if it's just for a month to get me into a routine...

Monday, August 2, 2010


The scale finally decided to move.
woo hoo!

Today was the day to do it.
I start a little competition w/2 diff friends.
Hopefully that will prove to be the motivation I need.

I am changing my goals.
Yes, I know I said I don't care about the number so much anymore.
But, I want my new goal to be 140.
I remember weighing 145ish when I was goin to the gym in Jax.
So I'm thinking I can get down to 140.

If I don't, and I'm happy w/how I look then that's fine.

But for now, I still have 19 pounds to go.

& I didn't even do enough to recap you on that...

Thursday, July 29, 2010

What you've been waiting for.

Managed to find the pic last night.
As soon as we did I got ill.
Marianne was not having that so she made me take another pic.
Still, I was not satisfied.
My stomach is still the same, you won't change my mind.
I was hysterical, bawling my eyes out.
Yes, I do see the differences.
But when they are not where I want them to be it's hard to be happy.

Left is from February 2010, Right was last night.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


I still have not found the original "before" picture.
And I was at Marianne's last night and forgot to see if she still had a copy.

So, I think I'm just going to post a "now" picture.
I really do not want to.
BUT, I think doing so will help motivate me... somehow

Be on the lookout!


I have sucked at my mission this week.
the end.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Goal ReCap

I did not do good last week, at all.
I did better on the weekend, which is weird...

Mon 3/8
Tues 3/8
Wed 3/8
Thurs 3/8
Fri 3/8
Sat 5/8
Sun 6/8

Total: 26/56

I did get a shot at the fat doctor on Friday.
It's a new one I've never had before so maybe it'll do something amazing. haha

I'm on a mission this week.
& I will prevail!

Friday, July 23, 2010


It's a good day. Why?
Because I feel skinny today...
Thought I'd share my progress with you.

I took a picture a long time ago, at my max, but cannot find it. Think it may be on the ex's computer. But when I find it I will show you my progress. Bet I throw up...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Lack of motivation...

If you've paid any attention to my meal pics on Twitter you will know how sucky I have been doing with food. Why? Because I can...

I do plan on getting serious next week though.
I have to go to the grocery store.
If I have the food, I will not buy the bad stuff.

& I've got to get serious about kicking this caffeine habit again.
I'm so angry with myself for falling off that wagon!
BUT it's so nice not having headaches! ugh
I've only been having 1 Mt Dew in the morning, but still.

I'm going to the fat doctor tomorrow to beg them to give me shots in my stomach. Wish me luck!!!

I think I have a new motivational plan.
Let me know if you think it's completely ridiculous... srsly
I want to be super picky in my next male situation.
I mean like, I want him to be sooo buff and cut.
And I feel like I need to be on that same track before I can be picky.
Doesn't that make sense? It does in my head...

I'm going out tomorrow night.
First night out in over 4 years. No lie.
And since I refuse to buy new clothes yet I had to squeeze into one of my old jean skirts. Luckily Marianne had a shirt I could wear with it. And she bought me the super cute necklace you see in the pic. Let me know how this looks.
I feel like it's kinda muffin toppy...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Plans / Goals

I need lists in my life.
Ideas in my head do not work for me.

Workout Plan:
- cardio 5x a week (mon-sun)
- strength training 2x a week
- ab workout on lunch breaks & after cardio
- lunges before bed

Eating Plan:
- 3 meals. no more skipping dinner!
- water ONLY
- take pic of meals (will post on twitter)

Every Monday I will post a weekly recap.

Monday, July 19, 2010


Ok, I did some research...
& decided I don't believe in "spot reduction."
Does that mean I'm not gonna try? Nope.
Maybe it'll prove me wrong. lol

Let's Get Serious

Just as I feared, the scale is not budging. At all.

But before I get all negative,
I need to remind myself of the positives:

* I'm happy with my legs. I'm ok with them not losing any more fat. And most of the horrid cellulite is gone. (skinny bitches have leg dimples, I'm over that.) They could use a tiny bit toning. But as long as I keep up with the treadmill then I know I'm in good shape.

* I'm happy with my face. I can now take a pic and be happy with it. Instead of having to retake it over and over because I had so many rolls.

* I'm happy with my arms. They need some toning but the fat is gone.

My only negative at this point is my stomach. It's gonna drive me straight to the mad house. I do not understand how the fat is not going away! Granted, it's shrunk enough that I can suck in again and that makes me happy. haha

I just absolutely dread doing ab workouts when there is so much fat there. I feel like it would be completely useless. I don't feel like an ab workout burns as much fat as say cardio would. But I have to get over that, I'm going to have to start going psycho obsessive on my abs and my abs only.

I'm almost to the point of not worrying about the numbers anymore. Because now when I look at myself I do not see 15 pounds left to lose. It may be there, I just don't see it. So, I think I'm not going to weigh for a few weeks. Think I can stick to it?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I'm fearing a horrid plateau...

I just know these last 15 pounds are gonna be HELL.

If the scale doesn't change next Monday,
it'll be time for drastic measures.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Fat Doctor

Went to the fat doctor yesterday.
I'm not exactly sure how long it's been,
but it's been at least 6 weeks...

I've lost 10 pounds since I've been.
They all wanted to know what the big secret was.
I told them "I left my husband. It's amazing what happiness can do."

I got more phen.
Hoping it'll help me drop these last 15 pounds!
They tried to talk me into a shot but it didn't work.
I haven't had one and have been losing, no reason to waste money...

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Boobs & Butt

So the weightloss is starting to make me sad.

Why? Because my boobs and butt are gone.
And we all know I didn't have that much to begin with!

I knew the boobs were gone when my bras stopped fitting.
But I just happened to notice my butt.
Anyone know any good butt picker upper exercises?

On another note, I don't know if I mentioned but I've lost almost 4 inches in my stomach. Marianne was kind enough to measure me because I've been swearing it hasn't changed AT ALL. But it has. I just can't tell. Maybe cause my boobs are shrinking! uuugh

AND I need some ab workouts too. NOT SIT UPS.
Preferably ones that are easy on the neck.

Friday, July 2, 2010


So, I bought me a scale.
A digital one. Even though I remember hating the last one I had because it always said something different. Like, If I stepped right back on to verify.
Anyway, this one is legit.
I stepped on it 3 times to verify and it confirmed 160 every time.
It was a wonderful way to start the weekend!

I'm thinking I should have held out longer though because seeing a 6 pound loss from last time I weighed is effing amazing! I almost went thru the roof. srsly!

I was very nervous it was going to show a gain.
But I think the mirror and my eyes are playing tricks on me.
Like maybe I just think my stomach is getting bigger because everything else is shrinking and it's not...

I wanted to go get some more phen today but I've spent too much money this week and want to go to the beach this weekend if I get the chance. Yes, I realize those priorities might not be in the right order but um, I've lost 25 pounds and think I can slip up. I will go next Friday to get them though. Hopefully it'll speed up the last 15 pounds!

In other news, I'm doing better on the treadmill.
Like I will walk inclined for 5 minutes then run for as long as I can then slow back down again until I'm not about to die then I'll run again. I was nervous I would get shin pains but I haven't so I should be good to go. Eventually I would love to just be able to run the whole time. But some people just aren't runners. Period. lol

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Victoria's Secret

As with most women, I've always wanted a VS bathing suit.
Bikini to be more precise.

Although summer is already under way,
I have every plan to buy a Victoria's Secret bathing suit to be able to wear before beach weather goes away once I can reach a weight loss goal.

I can't decide on my goal for it though.
I really don't think I'm going to get down to 145 without being a skeleton.
But maybe I'm wrong...

I'm thinking I'm going to do it once I lose 25 pounds.
Which is only 6 pounds away...
& I bought a digital scale today so no more excuses.

Eventually I will be taking votes for help because I'm undecided on these babies:

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


Guess what I did last night?

I got my fatass on the treadmill!
Miracle right? I know.

I only did a mile.
My calves were about to bust through my skin.
And I didn't want to over do it and not be able to the rest of the week...

Monday, June 28, 2010

idk my weight

I couldn't weigh in this morning.
I no longer have a scale.
But as soon as I can, I will get one.
Maybe it'll be good for me to not weigh for a few weeks...

Workout room is all situated in the new house.
Which means I have NO excuses.
It's time to get serious!

Though I can barely walk today bc my calves are so tight.
Moving and stairs are not a good mix!

Monday, June 21, 2010


One more pound and I am halfway there!

Although, I don't see where 20 more pounds is gonna come off at...
But, that's still the goal for now.

I'd like to announce that my thighs are no longer 'baby seals'.
(Most of you know what I'm talking about.)
& my boobs are gone. As in, completely non existent.
It's quite sad.

No phen this week.
It's gonna be tough.
It was already a tough weekend.

Depending on how this week goes, is how I'll determine if I'm gonna get some more on Friday. As of right now, I'll be getting some!!!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Good Day

I'm surprised at my wonderful mood today.
I just hope it sticks thru the whole day...

It could be a number of things:
that I had a sweet text on my phone when I woke up
that I listened to the new music I downloaded omw to work
that bee eff eff brought me a surprise this morning
that I had a Kit Kat for breakfast
that I'm going to Jax til Sunday as soon as I get off work

Monday, June 14, 2010


I'm quitting tea, again.

I have to. Not even a second thought.
I had extreme kidney attacks last week.

The worst I have ever had!
I almost cut that bitch out myself.

Maybe it'll be better, maybe not.

But I don't need it anyway, right?

Being Bad

I haven't worked out in 2 weeks. Ack!

I've taken my stuff w/me every weekend.
Mom's has a workout room. Hell, I could even just go walk.
But I haven't. Of course.

Since I just weighed, I'm not weighing again until next Monday.

This is my last week of phen and I'm out.
I can only get it on Friday's and I won't be here Friday...
I'm only going to take it every other day this week, hope it works.

We shall see how I manage without it and then decide if I'm getting more.

Thursday, June 10, 2010


I wasn't home Monday to weigh in.
So, I weighed this morning.
168, down 2 more pounds!
3 more pounds and I'm halfway there!!!

People are starting to notice.
From my chiropractor to my boss.

Sunday, June 6, 2010


I've been stressed out. To the max.
I think a lot of the weight loss has to do with that.
I won't complain. And I'm prepared for it to come back on easily.

I don't even remember the last time I worked out at this point.
Other than walking on the beach... I guess that could count.

But when I get back home, I'm going to get serious.
Like, get up at 5am serious. & 2 workouts a day.
Think I can do it?
Guess we'll find out eventually...

I think it's been a month since I've been to the fat doc.
I'm still taking the phen. But I think it's shot time.
AND I'm thinking about taking back my word...
I might get one more bottle of phen.
I've been taking it every other day for the most part so I haven't fully decided yet.

I'm anxious to get home so I can weigh in.
But it'll be a few more days.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

15 lbs

I wasn't home to weigh yesterday...

But this morning it said 170! yay
And I have been slacking, but I'm sure it's a result of stress.
Which means I need to bust my ass this week.
And I intend to.

5 more pounds and I'm halfway there!

I'm kinda sad.
It's June.
I wanted to be at my goal by now...

Monday, May 24, 2010


3 lbs lost.
How? I'm not sure...
I didn't get a shot last week.
And I didn't work out while on vacation.
Unless you count all the walking...
But I'm not complaining.

I'm not going to get a shot today either.
Want to test out the "I can do it without" theory for another week.

Monday, May 17, 2010


Apparenly there was no reason to be nervous.
Because it seems I'm stuck at 174.

In the back of my head I have this horrid fear that I'll be stuck there forever, just like with 180.
But then I remind myself that I totally slacked off with exercise last week.
And I'll just be thankful that I didn't gain any.

I'm ready to be back from New Mexico so I can buy a digital scale.
Which I keep wavering on because I threw the last one away for a reason.
I'm going to have hubbs hide the scale again, for 4 weeks.
It worked last time, why not try again?

I did pack my workout clothes.
The hotel does have a workout room.
My goal is to get on the treadmill, at least, twice.

I am not going to fat doctor today.
Gonna save my $30 for the trip. haha
That's a bunch of Starbucks!
Yes, I know I should spend it on water or something healthy.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Shopping ReCap

Shopping yesterday was not as bad as I imagined it would be.
Thank goodness!!!

I found a dress at the first store, Ross.
It was only $14.99 so I got it and figured I'd bring it back if I found one elsewhere.

I had looked online for dresses at Target but, of course, when I got to the store they didn't have any of the ones I liked. I did get a pair of jean capris, size 9. I about fell out. I have no idea how I managed that one.

Today I went looking for a regular pair of jeans and was not as successful.
I ended up with a size 13/14 from Rue 21.

(My thighs are proving to be the biggest problem.)

(the dress is more purple than black)

Tomorrow is weigh in day.
& as always, I'm super duper nervous...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

More inches lost!

I tried to measure myself yesterday morning...
It was too nice to be true so I made hubbs do it this morning.

3 1/2 inches off my stomach! I cried! srsly

My arms, thighs and waist were either the same or worse. ugh

BUT my stomach is my biggest concern.
So I am happy with the findings.

And major thanks to all my friends who helped me out yesterday with the POS anonymous commenter.
It meant a lot to me!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Dear Anonymous

First of all, you are pathetic.
Anonymous? Really? Man up!

I can only imagine how pathetic your entire life is if you have to leave a nasty comment on someone's blog about their difficult times. You're wasting perfect air that someone else should be receiving.

Apparently you are a complete moron.
No where have I said I lost 11 pounds over night.
I weighed 185 in February.
180 in April.
174 May.
Does that really sound like over night to you?

Did you not see where my goal is 2 lbs a week?
Oh, sorry, you can't comprehend what's right in front of you.
Here's your reminder: my goal is 2 lbs a week.
Which means I'm already ahead of you and the point you're trying to make.

Since you probably didn't graduate high school then it's safe to assume you're not a doctor. Which means I will listen to my FAT DOCTOR before you. I do not intend on seeing him the rest of my life. It is a temporary boost to help me. I know the rules and facts. I WILL NOT MAGICALLY GAIN THE WEIGHT BACK ONCE I QUIT GOING TO HIM UNLESS I DO NOT CONTINUE TO EAT HEALTHY AND EXERCISE. It's common sense, you showed me nothing.

What was your purpose exactly?
To piss me off? Well, you succeeded. GOOD JOB!

But let me thank you.
Thank you for reminding me that pathetic people still do exist.
Thank you for reminding me that people put my life above theirs.
Thank you for reminding me that I'm not the worst person out there.
Thank you for making me want to be a better person,
because I refuse to be some lowlife excuse of a person who gets off on being a complete jackass and waste of space.

It is not my fault your life sucks, maybe you should think about that.


I'll be putting myself through torture tomorrow.
And I am NOT excited about it. At all.
In fact, I'm completely dreading it. ugh

I'm going shopping.
Have to buy a dress for the wedding.
& a new pair of jeans.

I'm ok with the dress because my dress size won't change that much with weightloss.
But I know I won't like half of them because of how I'll look in it.

No, I cannot even try to be positive.
Abso no sense in even getting my hopes up.

And the jeans?
I'm sure that will bring tears to my eyes.
I had to buy a pair about a month ago because I busted a hole in the last pair I had.
I just got a cheap pair from Walmart and they are already too big.
Size 14 and falling off of me. That kinda makes me smile, a little.

Target has my fav jeans, Mossimo. Well, they used to. I haven't bought jeans in a few years (bc I refuse to buy the size I am) so I hope I still like their's because that's where I'm starting my search.
And I already know what will happen: I will need size 14.
Cause even though the Walmart 14s are too big, the Target ones won't be.
That is just my luck!

I used to wear a size 7 jean. SEVEN!
My size has doubled!
That makes me want to vomit. All my guts out.

Reminder to self: I haven't worked out since Sunday!
I'm going to bust my ass this weekend.
Esp w/abs. I wasn't seeing a fat loss in my gut but suddenly I see the skin looking different and it's freaking me out. I do not want saggyness...

My fat doctor used to offer shots directly into the problem areas.
Back then I was not this big and I was only worried about saddle bags and I said, HECK NO.
But I'm way past the pain at this point.
Of course, they don't offer it anymore.
But they're going to check into it for me.
*cross your fingers for me!*

Thursday, May 13, 2010


I have to change my routine.

My husband works 2nd shift.
I only have afternoons w/him on Wed & Thurs.
And on those days I need to be spending time w/him,
not spending an hour plus working out and then an hour to cool/calm down.

So, Wed & Thurs will be my off days.
Unless I can find the motivation to get up early enough in the mornings.
(which, of course, is what he thinks I should do)

This means I can have no excuse the rest of the week.
I have not worked out since Sunday... UGH!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Eat What You Want Day

When: Always on May 11th

What would you like to have to eat today?

Okay, permitting, go ahead and have any and all of your favorite foods and snacks.
Because today is Eat What You Want Day.

Eat What You Want Day is definitely not a day for diets. It is one single, solitary day in the year to go off your diet and eat something you really enjoy, Today, you can set aside your dietary "No-No" list. Today, you can splurge. Tomorrow, it's back to the diet. It is important to note that today is not intended to eat as much as you want. Rather, the goal is to eat something you otherwise wouldn't have. If you are watching carbs or calories, simply keep within your limits by eating just a small amount of that favorite treat.

Dumb Move

Hubbs didn't put the scale back in it's hiding place so I got on it this morning out of curiosity.

Thank goodness it still said 174.
I was scared I was getting results from the cleanse on Sunday.
But I should be good to go now.

I just wish I could see the 11 lbs that are gone.
Yes, some of my clothes are fitting diff, but that's not enough.
I want to see my gut gone!
No, I'll never be satisfied.
Not until I'm the size I want to be anyway...

Monday, May 10, 2010

11 pounds lost!

I haven't weighed on my scale in a few weeks. 3 I think.
It said 174 this morning! How exciting?

I was super nervous about what the fat doc's would say...
It said 177, which is still a 1 pound loss from there's last week.

BUT, they advised me that I should go by my scale.
Esp, since I weighed there at 2pm:
fully dressed, 2 meals in me, 3 bottles of water and a sweet tea.
They said my truer weight would be first thing in the morning.

So, that's what I've decided to go on!
Which, might I add, is much eaiser to do now that both places are showing a loss!

Sunday, May 9, 2010


I have been unsuccessful, as of yet, with keeping a workout log.
& we all know that's a big step in the process.

I realized Twitter might be a good idea!

So, follow me if you want.
Or just check it out on my sidebar!

p.s. this is a diff one, not my regular one

Uh oh...

Guess what?
I haven't worked out in over a week...
Bad, I know. UGH

And it really makes no sense.
I went to fat doc and found out I lost 2 lbs then didn't work out. DUH

***You might not want to read this part***
I've been having stomach issues.
Couldn't decide if it was my kidney stones or my cycle.
Finally, I realized I was constipated. WONDERFUL.
I drank Benefiber and lots of water. Nothing helped
So, I drank some magnesium citrate this morning and it finally started to move.
It's amazing how I feel so much better.
It had been so long I didn't know what I had been feeling like!
That is ridiculous!

So, I am sitting here procrastinating my workout.
It shouldn't even be a thought.
I can already hear my Nanny nagging me when I see her in 9 days. ugh

Thursday, May 6, 2010

International No Diet Day

When: Always on May 6th

International No Diet Day encourages us to appreciate the bodies we have. You could consider it a "Big" backlash against becoming little (err thin), people. This day is intended for us to appreciate the body we have. It encourages us to recognize that people come in all shapes and sizes....... and that's okay.

Anti-diet groups exist to assist and support people who suffer illnesses like anorexia, in their efforts to shed fat and be thin. In addition to anorexia, other medical problems can result from taking diet pills, and surgeries, such as stomach stapling, to control weight.

International No Diet Day is a good opportunity to reassess and evaluate your weight management goals and perspective, and to make certain your efforts to be thin don't come at a risk to your health. If you decide that continuing your diet is right for you, then use today to take a one day break.

Thanks Holiday Calendar

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


This used to be my problem.
Now I keep the fridge mostly empty. (of junk food)
Now if I want a snack it's veggies, fruit or yogurt.

Monday, May 3, 2010

A loss, finally!

I walked into the fat doctor and said if the scale didn't show a difference that I was never getting another shot.

They proceeded to tell me that the shot affects inches not pounds. WTH?

So, I said I thought that it broke up the fat.
Was told, it does but I won't see a pound loss.

Maybe I'm dumb, but that makes NO sense to me. At all.

Anyway, the scale ended up showing 178, a 2 pound loss.
(I think it just wanted the girl that hurts me to give me the shots)
I nearly had heart failure! I'd seen 180 for sooo long!

I am curious to see what my scale at home says but I don't need that added torture.
Good thing the hubbs has hid it...

My goal is 2 pounds a week.
Can you believe I actually met a goal?
I can't! It's effing unreal!

Giving Up, Again

I'm going to attempt to give up sweet tea. Again.
(no, I can't drink unsweet. gross!)

Why, you ask?
A few reasons:

- I nurse a large all day at work: not getting enough water

- I HATE the way it makes my teeth feel & look

- I'd rather get my sugar intake elsewhere

- It adds too many calories to my diet

- Its a no-no for my
blood type

- I want to quit the caffeine addiction

I'm dreading the headache.
Although I'm thinking it won't be as bad as cutting out soda.
Let's hope so anyway...

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Big Day Tomorrow

I am very nervous about going to the fat doctor tomorrow.

I got a shot last Monday and worked out hard core for 5 days straight. Normally I get them on Friday and don't work out until Monday.

My point is, if their scale doesn't show a good change then I am quitting the shot. Period.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Inches Gone!

Hubbs measured me last night.
3/25 of an inch lost off my stomach
1/2 inch off my arm
woo freakin hoo!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Bob vs Jilian

You know how I always complain about Bob?

Well, as of yesterday, he's a knight in shining armour.

Jilian kicked my ass yesterday.
I couldn't do most of what she was demanding.
(partly bc I was on carpet & not a gym floor)

And she is not "attractively fit." (words from MA)
Her legs look like stumps.
My vision was blurred from only seeing her waist...
I do not want to look like that. ew

And the other girl, the blonde body builder woman, is intense.
I could do most of what she demanded but it seemed pointless.
But I did it anyway.

I have never sweated as much as I did yesterday.
I liked it. Made it feel worth while.

Monday, April 26, 2010

False Hope Sucks

I didn't go to fat doctor Friday...

I went today.
& now know that Monday is the day to go,
not Friday when everyone else is there.

As you know, I ask them not to tell me what the scale says.
Because I go by mine at home.
They don't take me seriously...
I step off the scale and hear, "OMG, you've lost 6 lbs!"
So, I look down at what she wrote. 180.
As calmly as I could, I said, "No, I haven't. My scale has said that amount for at least the last 3 weeks."

Obviously, I am pissed.

I think I'm going to throw my scale away.
Or have the hubbs hide it and make him swear to not get it out no matter how much I beg or get pissed at him.

I got 2 shots.
1 in each hip.
That sucked.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Still stuck at 180...

Didn't I call this yesterday?

And hubbs was a very bad influence last night.
Which in short, means I didn't work out.
& we ate out.
But I did have a salad, sweet potato and steak tips that I barely ate because they were gross.

Ever since researching that blood type diet my stomach curls at the thought of red meat and what it's doing to my body.

Slowly but surely my mind is getting to the right place, maybe...

Thursday, April 22, 2010


I worked my ass off last night.
Or maybe I should say Bob worked my ass last night.
Well, that doesn't sound good either...

ANYWAY, I feel a difference.
But I'm not sure where.
I assume it should be my face or arms,
but I don't see anything there.

So, I'm standing in the hubbs' bathroom naked, staring at myself in the mirror. Naturally, he walks in. "WTF are you doing?" he asks. "I feel like something is different but I don't know what." I answer. Without a second to even think, he points right to it. And all be damned if he ain't right on the money. I have to stare for a little while longer just to be sure, but he's found the spot. Of course, it's not anywhere that is a measurement area.

It's the ab area right under my breasts and right above my prego appearing belly. They used to look like 2 halves of donuts. But not anymore! They'e not completely fat free by any means, but they are smaller. That is instant happiness. Makes me feel like just maybe my hard efforts are working!

Tomorrow is weigh in day.
And we all know I will still be stuck at 180.
But I am going to get my lipo shot tomorrow, that I didn't get last week, and maybe that'll pump something into gear! *crosses fingers*

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I am still stuck at 180.
I've been taking phentermine for 11 days now.
My original 5 lb loss was before the phentermine.
I am straight up livid.

I knew better than to get my hopes up and assume it was going to work for me like it has everyone else. The only thing it's done is make it hard to eat and sleep.

I slacked at working out last week,
but have been doing good this week so far.

I may have lost inches.
Hubbs is going to measure me tonight.
Hopefully I can find where I wrote the last ones down...

Monday, April 19, 2010


I got this in an email:

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good grief, look how smart I am!

Must be where 'Smart Ass' came from!

Friday, April 16, 2010

180, still

Yes, I know I said I wasn't going to weigh.

But I tried on a pair of shorts that I got from a friend last weekend and they fit different than they originally had so I got super excited.

I begged hubbs to get the scale out of hiding.
He originally told me no...
But obviously gave in with time.

I should have waited.
I haven't lost any.
Yes, I realize I haven't gained either.

But 6 days of phentermine should have shed at least a few pounds!

I am trying really hard to not get discouraged...
I am not going to get my lipo shot today.
I lost 3 lbs without it. We shall see what happens.