Friday, October 14, 2011


I was so happy to see this number on the scale this morning!

I have lost 21 pounds in 13 weeks.
(32 since I began this journey in December 2009)

I had a rough few weeks and jumped back up to 160,
but I made it back down.

My lowest around this time last year was 154 so I'm pretty excited!

I haven't been taking the phentermine religiously.

Some days I only take a half and some days I don't take any at all.

I'm going to try next week to take a half every day and then after that only a half every other day. I want to slowly pull myself off of it because it's not working very well since I only have about 10 pounds left to lose and I don't want to go back to the fat doctor.

Ahhh, when will this ever end?!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

3rd Appt at Aspen Clinic

This appt was not as wonderful as the last, but I knew that going in.

I gained 2 lbs over the weekend but their scale still showed a 5 lb loss from my last visit 5 weeks ago. Good news is, all 5 lbs was fat and not muscle or water.

BMI went from 26.0 to 25.2
BMR went from 1571 to 1549
Fat % went from 39.1 to 37.1 (goal 21-33%)
Fat Mass went from 65 to 59.5 (goal 28-52)

The doctor suggested drink white grapefruit juice. He says it helps the phentermine work harder to break fat. Kinda confused as I've always been told fruit juice is bad when trying to lose weight but I guess I'll try anything at this point.

The treadmill was moved into my room this weekend but I only used it Monday. It didn't get used Tuesday.

Ohhh, what I would give to find some motivation!

Monday, September 5, 2011


I've been stuck on 162 for about a week now.

& I haven't been eating right.
The phentermine is making me not hungry at all.
Which it has not done before.
I haven't been eating since I haven't been hungry.
I know this is not good and it's going to backfire,
but I've had so much going on that I haven't been able to focus.

I'm really considering joining a gym next week when I get paid.
Only if I can find one with no contract or a small one.

Follow my twitter for more frequent updates.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

2nd appt at Aspen Clinic recap

I had my 2nd appointment at the Aspen Clinic (the fat doctor) today.

It was a very successful appointment. It put me in a wonderful mood!

I've lost 11 pounds in 4 weeks.
I didn't believe this was going to be good but apparently it is.
I've lost 22 pounds total since starting this journey.
Still have about 20 to go.

My BMI went from 27.8 to 26.0
BMR from 1621 to 1571
Fat % from 40.6 to 39.1 (goal is 21-33%)
Fat Mass from 72 to 65 (goal is 28-52 lbs)

The doctor was very encouraging. He brought to light that I've lost 11 pounds even though I didn't do anything they advised. I haven't been keeping a food journal. I watch my portions but not what I eat. I haven't been exercising. I've even been drinking caffeine.

Now lets all imagine the outcome had I been doing this the correct way.
Yeah, I pretty much want to punch myself.
Lesson learned.

Sunday, July 31, 2011


It was such a relief to see no 7 on the scale this morning.

I've lost 7 pounds in 9 days.
If I keep this trend up I will be good to go.

I'm going to try really hard to start exercising tomorrow.
I am scared to death it's going to make the scale stop moving though.

Yes, I know I should throw the scale away but I just can't.
Not yet anyway...

Saturday, July 23, 2011

for the millionth time

Well, I made the decision to go back to a fat doctor for some pills. I know a lot of people don't agree with this. But me? I don't agree with all the fad diets. I need a lifestyle change and only pills can help with that. I'm hoping that one month will give me the boost I need to get back on track but two is my max.

I chose the Aspen Clinic in Baton Rouge as I have a friend that goes there and my boss has been. Both gave me good reviews. And of course, it had to be better than the ghetto place I was going to in Alabama.

My appointment was at 8:15. On a Saturday, yes it sucked. I have been throught the process before so I was mostly bored and not learning anything new. But they did have a nifty body composition scale that I paid $35 to use. BUT I can use if for a year. It told me all kinds of things. Most of which I didn't want to know.

BMI: 27.8 (this is not ok, this is obese and I was not prepared for that)
BMR: 1621 (this is how many calories my body burns, I was put on a 1200 calorie diet)
Fat %: 40.6 (that sounds like a lot huh? I need to be 21-33%)
Fat Mass: 72 lbs (I need to be 28-52 lbs)
FFM: 105.5 lbs (I forget exactly but this is what I'd weigh without fat basically)

The nurse told me I could have a goal weight of 110 pounds. This floored me and does not seem realistic at all. I told her I think my goal is 145, if I want lower when I reach there then so be it.

The doctor told me to throw my scale away and only weigh once a month at my office visit. I just do not know if I can do this, but I'm gonna try.

I relearned all the usuals. Like write down everything you eat. Only drink water. Watch your portions. yada yada yada. I know all this, I just need the motivation to do it.

And let me explain to you why I need the help of pills. I'm not just an emotional eater. I'm an anytime eater. I'll eat just because there's food. I'll eat all of what's in front of me even if I'm not hungry. I've been like that for as long as I can remember. I just love food. The trick is, learning to love healthier foods.

I was told to avoid all fried foods for the first month to boost up the fat loss. I'm very anxious to not only see if I can do this, but see if it works.

I'm not going to try and do anything drastic. That falls under fad diet to me. I just have to learn to make better choices, and not all at once.

And since I haven't been getting any excercise they advised me to start with 3 days a week at 30 mins for the first 2 weeks. I think this is a good idea because I know I will get burnt out quick at first. Though doc did advise that I march quickly in place for 5 mins twice a day to get my muscles on a routine. This was a new idea and I'm anxious to try it out.

I weigh 176 right now. My goal is 145 so I only made a short term goal since that is only 31 lbs

My goal is to be 145 by October 31, a little over 3 months.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


I thought I was slowing putting the weight back on, but I didn't realize it was 10 pounds.

I was in denial until I started seeing it in my face again.

And I hate myself for it. I am so disgusted.

I went through the backlog of this blog and was devastated.

I've been struggling on this journey for 2 years!

I only need to lose about 40 pounds.

There's no way that should take 2 years.

I should have accomplished it in 6 months!

I don't even know what to do. Or say.

I just know it's struck a deep nerve.

Deeper than it has ever struck.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


The last few times I've weighed, my lovely scale has said 163.

And though I'm proud it's relatively low and consistent,
I still wish it said 153 like it did not too long ago.

Thinking I gained 10 lbs when I only had 10 to go makes me want to vomit.

27 days until summer.
I've been in my bathing suit 4 times already.
No, it wasn't a pretty sight.
I'm so disgusted with myself.

Thursday, May 12, 2011


I'm back up to 170.

I'm on week 3 of no sodas.

I'm so sick of being fat.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Day One

I got on the treadmill last night.
A whole 30 minutes.
BUT I did an incline, which I normally don't do.

It's all about starting slow.
I'm not trying to kill myself.

I also went without soda yesterday.
You all know how big of a feat that is.

& I only had sweet tea with lunch.

I haven't decided if I'm gonna give up sweet tea all together yet.
I do know it won't be until I've successfully given up soda.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


This blog stresses me out.

I say I'm gonna do stuff,
but then I don't.

So, I'm not gonna say I'm doing anything until I do it.

Wish me luck!

Monday, March 28, 2011

I'm back

& I'm ready to get serious.

I've been on and off the phentermine
but it's no longer working.
I have 10 days left and then it's gone.

I've made it a personal mission
to worry more about exercising
than about what I eat.

I know for a fact that I can basically eat what I want
when I'm working out.
So, it's time to put that to use.

Yes, I'm still gonna watch what I eat.
I just won't be so fanatical about it
as long as I'm getting my exercise.

Im going to start getting up at 6am
and getting on the treadmill.
& I'm going to try and do my cardio dvd at night.
BUT, I won't fret about missing my nightime workout
so long as I did my morning one. 

I want to get into better habits.
I don't want this to be temporary.
I want it to be part of my life routine.

I'm going to give up soda and tea again.
The dark sodas will be hard.
Tea, not so much since it's hard to find good tea here.

I'm hoping and praying I can stick with this.
I'm sick of being miserable.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Just a little not say I've lost a few pounds.
Back down to 164.

I only took the phentermine for 2 weeks because I got sick.
I've been off it for a week.
I'm going to start it again on Monday.

I still have yet to work out.
I'm such a slacker. ugh

Thursday, February 10, 2011

lil update

I didn't throw out my scale...

The more I thought about it,
the more I realized I need that reminder.
Because HELLO 15 lbs jumped on within a blink.

I was going to go back to the fat doctor.
But I couldn't go back to my old one.
(half the nurses are friends w/the ex.)
Turns out I'm outta luck. I waited too long.
I can't get in to see one until March 2.
I'll be in LA by then...

I took it as a sign, that I need to do this myself.
I need to make lifestyle changes.

Today started water day.
No more calories from drinks.
Baby steps people.

Once I get settled in LA,
I will be setting goals for myself.

Yes, I know I tend to not keep them.
But I still need them.
I have way more motivation this time.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Ohhh AND

Don't expect any updates on this blog until about March.

You know, after the BIG MOVE! (:

Big Decision Made

I've made the decision to chunk my scale.

I'm going to end up in a mental institution if I keep getting on it
and see the number go up and up.

I look at myself and do not see a 15 lb gain.
So it may not be the best idea to get rid of the scale.

But I'm going to start measuring myself.

And maybe, just maybe this ordeal has been so difficult
because I'm focused on the number...
I just want to look at myself and be happy.


I'm not lieing.

I've gained 15 lbs in 5 weeks.
That's 3 lbs a week.

I am devasted.

I don't feel or look like I've gained it back.
idk what's going on, but it sucks. hard core.

Monday, January 31, 2011


Yes, I cried.
This is getting ridiculous.

Gym every day this week!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

sore as a mofo

Marianne dragged me to the gym last night.
I was not feeling it. At all.

& to make it worse there were no treadmills available.
Which means I had to get on the elliptical.
Yall know how much I haaate the elliptical.

BUT apparently it's what I need to start using.
I was sweating. I never sweat.
(I'm talking about sweat rolling off my face sweat. )
& I doubled the distance I did on the treadmill in 30 mins.

So, even though I'm sore as a mofo,
I will be back on the elliptical tonight.

recap: 30 mins elliptical
miles: 2.8
total miles for 2011: 4.2

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I was 13 lbs away from my goal.
Now I've got 26 to go... FML

I did 30 mins on the treadmill last night.
I know, I said hour but I didn't want to over do it.

1.4 miles

Monday, January 24, 2011

uh ohhh

Gonna get serious on this blog again.
For real this time.

I have 4 weeks before moving to Louisiana.
My goal is to lose at least 10 lbs before then.

I meant to weigh in this morning, but I was dressed before I remembered and I do not weigh with clothes on because it messes with my head.

I will try and remember to get on the scale tomorrow morning.

I will admit this, I got on the scale last week and it said 164.
Yes, I cried. Bawled horrific tears if I'm being honest.
That's a 6 lb gain in 2 weeks. NOT OK.

I know it's my food intake.
& drinking soda.
& not working out.
It's not some hidden mystery...

Anyway, hour of cardio every night this week.
Follow my twitter and see if I do. ha!

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Gained 3 pounds since last Monday.

& I know why...
I've eaten enough in the last 2 weeks to support a small country.
I. Am. Not. Joking.

So, tonight is clean out the kitchen night.
If it's candy or junk food it's getting thrown out. Period.

I'm not so much worried about eating anything else.
Like bananas and veggies.

It's the junk food that's gonna pack the pounds back on.

I've also got to get my rearend back at the gym.
Marianne and I have made a pact to start back next week.

& I think I'm going to start doing miles instead of minutes.
I want to look back at the end of the year and say "I walked **** miles in 2011!"
We'll see how that plan works out...

Summer is going to be here before I know it,
and I am determined to rock a bikini! srsly

I'm dieing to have this one from Aerie:

Friday, January 7, 2011


Well, I only worked out twice this week.
No big surprise there.
And I have no excuse other than I just didn't...

Summer will be here before I know it,
and I am determined to be flattering in a bikini!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

found some motivation

I was browsing some tumblrs and found this quote:

"If it were easy, everyone would be skinny."

Ain't that the truth!

Monday, January 3, 2011


Seem to be stuck at 155.
But that's ok...

15 lbs to go.

I did 30 minutes on the treadmill last night.
My legs are on fire today!