thoughtful

I have NOT done good this week.
Imagine that!

Only thing promising I have done is throw out all the junk food in my office. I didn't give it to anyone else in the office. I threw it OUT!

On a different note...
I haven't had my cycle since Oct. 30th.
No, I'm not pregnant.
According to the HPT anyway.

But it seems like I might start here in a few days.
Naturally, since I'm trying to start exercising and eating right! UGH

Since Kevin got out of the Army I've had to get different insurance and I still have to find a family doctor. I heard of one who also has a diet clinic so I think I might check him out instead of going to the other fat doctor.

He starts his new job on January 11th.
We don't know what shift he's going to get but I hope it's the 2nd one. Yes, I will miss him but it will give me the opportunity to eat a healthy dinner and exercise when I get home from work. No, he doesn't keep me from doing it. But when he's home I'd rather spend time with him then in the workout room.

I've been trying to think of small goals.
Smallest I can come up with is 2 lbs a week.
BUT for the first month I think I'm going to shoot for just 1 lb a week so I don't get discouraged early on. Ultimately having lost 40 lbs by June 2010. Does that sound reasonable?

4 days left

In 4 days I plan on changing my life,
for the better.

I don't think I've ever called it that.
So, maybe it will work this time...

Last week I stepped on the scale.
It said 190. I almost cried.

I went and asked the hubbs if it looked like I'd gained any weight. He said no. So, I told him what the scale said. He did not believe me and made me get on it again. He says it said 187. That's still 10 pounds more than the last time I stepped on it.

Honestly, I think all 10 pounds is on my face.

I'm not going to wait and start on Friday.
I'm going to try and make little changes all week so it's not a super huge change. And I won't start full force until Monday, the 4th.

I have sooo much junk food in my office.
I can't decide if I'm going to just eat it all over the next 4 days. Or throw it all away. Here's to hoping I can just throw it all away...

I haven't decided if I'm going to go back to counting WW points. I know I don't want to count calories though. And the hubbs refuses to let me pay to go to WW meetings. He doesn't see the point. Of course, why would he? He's not a fat female! ugh

I asked him if he was going to expect me to make separate meals for him when I started eating better and he said no, he'd eat what I'd make. So, that makes me happy. That's where I've messed up before. I thought I was being a bad wife for making him eat on my diet and I'd feel so guilty.

I've been contemplating going back to the fat doctor and getting shots. It did work the very first time I tried and stuck with it. I think I will lose 10 pounds before doing that. I feel like the less I weigh the easier it will come off. And there's no point in getting the shots until I'm in good and hard at exercising.

Ok, enough rambling for today.

140 days

That's right, it's been 140 days since I've had tea or coke.

HOLY COW!

I don't even crave it anymore.

I think it's partly due to Squirt.
It's like Sprite, but grapefruit instead of lemon-lime.

Anyway, I just wanted to post on here because I've been thinking about it a lot lately.

Like, everytime I eat bad I make the excuse "Oh, I better enjoy it now."

In less than 3 weeks I intend to start a serious diet and exercise regiment. It will be my New Year's Resolution.

I'm sick of being fat.

I'm sick of wearing the same clothes because I don't want to buy new ones in the size I am.

I'm sick of my boobs looking small because my gut is big.

I'm sick of not liking pics of myself because my face is getting rounder.

I'm sick of being fat. Period.

Lord, please give me the strength to make it through this time!