Again

So, I've gained 5 pounds.
& you know what that means.
It means I'm going back to the Aspen clinic to get phentermine.
Say/think what you will.
I realized that it was completely foolish of me to stop taking it before I reached my goal.
You read that right, I will take it until I reach my goal of 140.
Gaining 5 pounds at 140 is a lot easier to take than gaining 5 at 152.
I am starting to get depressed about it and that is not okay.
Since I've been working out, I know I will not lose weight for a while.
& that only fucks with my head that much more.
My appt. is next Tuesday.
If I gain anymore weight  before then I will have a fucking stroke!

This Week's Routine

Obviously, I skipped Monday.

But, I started yesterday and that's better than not starting at all!

Here is my routine for this week:

I cannot do pushups (boyf is gonna teach me) so I do planks.
I don't know what burpees are so I do extra crunches.
It takes me about 15 minutes.

I know it doesn't seem like a lot.
I just wanted something to get me started and loosened up.
& I promise you that I am sore as fuck!
Tomorrow is day 3 (you know, the worst day) and I'm dreading it.

152

I hit 152 on Dec. 23.
Was a marvelous Christmas gift!

I am no longer taking phentermine.

Started working out this morning.

Up the hill again...

155

I was so happy to see this number on the scale this morning!

I have lost 21 pounds in 13 weeks.
(32 since I began this journey in December 2009)

I had a rough few weeks and jumped back up to 160,
but I made it back down.

My lowest around this time last year was 154 so I'm pretty excited!

I haven't been taking the phentermine religiously.

Some days I only take a half and some days I don't take any at all.

I'm going to try next week to take a half every day and then after that only a half every other day. I want to slowly pull myself off of it because it's not working very well since I only have about 10 pounds left to lose and I don't want to go back to the fat doctor.

Ahhh, when will this ever end?!

3rd Appt at Aspen Clinic

This appt was not as wonderful as the last, but I knew that going in.

I gained 2 lbs over the weekend but their scale still showed a 5 lb loss from my last visit 5 weeks ago. Good news is, all 5 lbs was fat and not muscle or water.

BMI went from 26.0 to 25.2
BMR went from 1571 to 1549
Fat % went from 39.1 to 37.1 (goal 21-33%)
Fat Mass went from 65 to 59.5 (goal 28-52)

The doctor suggested drink white grapefruit juice. He says it helps the phentermine work harder to break fat. Kinda confused as I've always been told fruit juice is bad when trying to lose weight but I guess I'll try anything at this point.

The treadmill was moved into my room this weekend but I only used it Monday. It didn't get used Tuesday.

Ohhh, what I would give to find some motivation!

162

I've been stuck on 162 for about a week now.

& I haven't been eating right.
The phentermine is making me not hungry at all.
Which it has not done before.
I haven't been eating since I haven't been hungry.
I know this is not good and it's going to backfire,
but I've had so much going on that I haven't been able to focus.

I'm really considering joining a gym next week when I get paid.
Only if I can find one with no contract or a small one.

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2nd appt at Aspen Clinic recap

I had my 2nd appointment at the Aspen Clinic (the fat doctor) today.

It was a very successful appointment. It put me in a wonderful mood!

I've lost 11 pounds in 4 weeks.
I didn't believe this was going to be good but apparently it is.
I've lost 22 pounds total since starting this journey.
Still have about 20 to go.

My BMI went from 27.8 to 26.0
BMR from 1621 to 1571
Fat % from 40.6 to 39.1 (goal is 21-33%)
Fat Mass from 72 to 65 (goal is 28-52 lbs)

The doctor was very encouraging. He brought to light that I've lost 11 pounds even though I didn't do anything they advised. I haven't been keeping a food journal. I watch my portions but not what I eat. I haven't been exercising. I've even been drinking caffeine.

Now lets all imagine the outcome had I been doing this the correct way.
Yeah, I pretty much want to punch myself.
Lesson learned.