173

I thought I was slowing putting the weight back on, but I didn't realize it was 10 pounds.

I was in denial until I started seeing it in my face again.

And I hate myself for it. I am so disgusted.

I went through the backlog of this blog and was devastated.

I've been struggling on this journey for 2 years!

I only need to lose about 40 pounds.

There's no way that should take 2 years.

I should have accomplished it in 6 months!

I don't even know what to do. Or say.

I just know it's struck a deep nerve.

Deeper than it has ever struck.

163

The last few times I've weighed, my lovely scale has said 163.

And though I'm proud it's relatively low and consistent,
I still wish it said 153 like it did not too long ago.

Thinking I gained 10 lbs when I only had 10 to go makes me want to vomit.

27 days until summer.
I've been in my bathing suit 4 times already.
No, it wasn't a pretty sight.
I'm so disgusted with myself.

170

I'm back up to 170.

I'm on week 3 of no sodas.

I'm so sick of being fat.

Day One

I got on the treadmill last night.
A whole 30 minutes.
BUT I did an incline, which I normally don't do.

It's all about starting slow.
I'm not trying to kill myself.

I also went without soda yesterday.
You all know how big of a feat that is.

& I only had sweet tea with lunch.

I haven't decided if I'm gonna give up sweet tea all together yet.
I do know it won't be until I've successfully given up soda.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

165

This blog stresses me out.

I say I'm gonna do stuff,
but then I don't.

So, I'm not gonna say I'm doing anything until I do it.

Wish me luck!

I'm back

& I'm ready to get serious.

I've been on and off the phentermine

but it's no longer working.

I have 10 days left and then it's gone.

I've made it a personal mission

to worry more about exercising

than about what I eat.

I know for a fact that I can basically eat what I want

when I'm working out.

So, it's time to put that to use.

Yes, I'm still gonna watch what I eat.

I just won't be so fanatical about it

as long as I'm getting my exercise.

Im going to start getting up at 6am

and getting on the treadmill.

& I'm going to try and do my cardio dvd at night.

BUT, I won't fret about missing my nightime workout

so long as I did my morning one. 

I want to get into better habits.

I don't want this to be temporary.

I want it to be part of my life routine.

I'm going to give up soda and tea again.

The dark sodas will be hard.

Tea, not so much since it's hard to find good tea here.

I'm hoping and praying I can stick with this.

I'm sick of being miserable.

164

Just a little not say I've lost a few pounds.

Back down to 164.

I only took the phentermine for 2 weeks because I got sick.

I've been off it for a week.

I'm going to start it again on Monday.

I still have yet to work out.

I'm such a slacker. ugh